Mindfulness Meditation Group, Roanoke, Virginia

Family, Parenting, and Relationships April 28, 2010

During the months of January, February and March, we read the second chapter, “Family, Parenting, and Relationships”  of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Answers from the Heart: Practical Responses to Life’s Burning Questions. Below are a few of the questions with abbreviated versions of the answers.

Q: How can we ensure that our home lives remain peaceful even when the world outside is not?

A: Thay recommends establishing a “breathing room,” “meditation room,” or “island of peace” in the home. If a room is not available, a small corner will be sufficient. Not a lot is needed; just a few cushions, a bell, and a flower. Any member of the family, including children, can take refuge here when he or she does not feel safe, strong, or stable. You will feel “a territory of peace within” immediately upon stepping into this space. When parents quarrel, a child might take refuge there, and seeing this, the parents may stop quarreling. When a partner is angry, she can go there and practice mindful breathing and listening to the bell. Her practice may inspire her child or the couple. If all the family sits there together first thing in the morning, last thing in the evening, or during times of trouble, they may find refuge, peace, and understanding together, improving family relations.

Q: I’ve been caring for my elderly parents for several years. I love them, but it’s a financial and physical burden, and I’m finding it more and more difficult. What can I do?

A: The essential practice is to look deeply to find understanding and to make love the foundation of our action and care. With love and gratitude at the foundation of our action, we will not feel tired or in despair. Sit and talk with your parents to find mutual understanding, and so everyone will know their limits. The situation will change, and become more pleasant. Taking care of our parents is taking care of ourselves.

Q: How can I forgive people who have hurt me, without condoning them or absolving them  of responsibility for their behavior?

A: Healing occurs when we generate energy of compassion and understanding. In the Buddha’s teaching, energy also comes from the vow, the determination, to help. If we are a victim, we can look around and see that others are suffering just like us; our compassion arises and we vow to protect and help those who have not yet seen the way to transformation. With these energies, we can “follow the path of Samantabhadra, the bodhisattva of great vows, to protect and heal others.”